Today's Writing

Thursday, April 30, 2009 1:05pm

I had to get out of the apartment. Or was it really my life I needed to get out of? I grabbed my blue Mary Mother of God candle and a lighter and went down stairs. For once it was quiet in the complex. I sat on the stoop and lit the candle. I had no idea what time it was having worked late and attended a meeting afterwards. All I knew at that moment was that it was Sunday, it was dark, I hadn't been able to get to the cemetery to see my Nana and I was pissed. It was 4 years ago that day that my Nana had passed. I usually took the day off from work ahead of time but forgot to do so this year. "Tony" had refused to take me to the cemetery before work as did Mom.

Our mutual friend "Laurie" showed up with Tony to pick up from work earlier and he spat out every curse word and derogatory phrase for women he knew of at me the whole way home. "Laurie" was openly shocked. I couldn't have cared less. We were over. Long over. If he was arrogant enough to think that I only kicked his sorry mooching ass to the curb because I was screwing around with someone else (at work), that was his stupidity. I wouldn't let him in the apartment when she dropped me off and he followed so he went back out with her. (What a fool she was too. We both knew she was in love with him and he used that to his every advantage).

I looked down at the candle and then up at the deep blue night sky. Without talking aloud, I began talking, hoping that someone or something heard me.

"Please God, Mary, Jesus, or whomever is listening, I don't want to be sitting here a year from now, in this exact same spot in this exact same life, a mere 5 days before my 30th birthday. I want better for myself. I deserve better. I'm prepared to be alone and I am ok with being alone because it has got to be better than being miserable with someone I cannot stand to even look at. Please help me to do what I need to do to have a better life. Please. Please."

That was when my life began to change, when I began to change.

Shortly after while I was still sitting on the stoop, Tony came back and immediately started in on me.

"Shut up and get inside. I am not ready to talk to you yet," I said without moving or even looking at him.

He marched upstairs, mumbling to himself.

Once I was done talking to Nana and apologizing for not coming by to see her, I picked up the candle and went upstairs to my apartment. Tony was standing in the living room and turned to look at me as I walked in. Before he could open his mouth, I started speaking.

"I've said this before and after I say this again, I am not going to repeat myself. You and I are through. Over. Done with. You have until the end of the month to get your shit out of my apartment. I don't care where you go or how you get your shit out of here, that is your problem. I don't give a fuck what happens to you. If you give me any shit in the mean time, you'll need a police escort to come and go from here. Anytime I am here, before work, after or on my days off, you aren't allowed to be here. If I see you here, I'll call the police. You are allowed to be here with the purpose of getting your shit out while I am at work only. And by the way, I refuse to be your representative payee for your checks any longer and am notifying social security in the morning. Now get the fuck out of here! You have 5 minutes and I'm calling the police."

With that I went into the bedroom and locked the door behind me. I heard him call Laurie to come pick him up and he left. I went to the front door and slid the safety bar through it's threads so he couldn't get back in later, then I returned to the bedroom, blew out the candle and fell into the deepest sleep I'd had in years.

Dusting

I haven't used my laptop since November, since finishing NaNoWriMo 2008. That's 5 months of dust you're looking at! The only way I'm going to be a (successful) published author is to write. So in the immortal words of Nike, "Just do it!"

X-men Origins: Wolverine

The time is upon us! Date night at the movies this weekend!

Honestly, I may need a few cigarettes after seeing this movie. Hugh Jackman NAKED. I don't mind that we won't get to see all of his naughty bits (after all, it's PG13); I have a vivid imagination and can fill in what I don't see! (I hope Hubby's well rested, lol!)

Julie & Julia, A Movie

This looks wonderful!

Planes of Plenty

What I thought was a neat pic, taken from our bedroom window earlier this evening. The landings for JFK, LaGuardia and Newark Airports were busy today! You know you live too close to an airport when the planes are so low you can see (not make out details) people sitting by the airplane windows! Those were the planes landing across Sandy Hook Bay/NY Harbor over at LaGuardia. The next lowest planes were heading in a similiar direction over to JFK. The next lowest were heading out to Newark. It figures that during the Winter, the flight patterns are different & it's quiet - during the warmer months it's every 2 minutes for hours on end during the day! (And when you're on Sandy Hook Beach during the Wednesday night Summer concerts, they drown out everything while they pass over!)

I wanted to rest outside today even though it was much cooler than yesterday & it was plane after plane after plane. (Yesterday I was in a summer night gown & flip flops when I was sitting on the patio and today I was in a sweat suit, socks & sneakers, a scarf around my neck and a throw wrapped around my legs! Remember, it's always cooler here at the shore!) It's only the beginning of the season & the airplane noise doesn't bother me/us yet. By Fall it'll drive me out of my mind!

I Can't be Trusted with a Camera!

At least not when Hubby's wearing these jeans! (The pic isn't doing him enough justice). I'm still wiped out frm yesterday's IV treatment and was more than a bit giggly at the food store with him this evening when I noticed he was wearing my favorite jeans! (Not as in literally wearing a pair of my jeans!) He came right home after work to pick me up & never got out of the truck. Wonderfully disgusting to still be this in love with and hot for Hubby, isn't it?! We'll be together 5 years on May 22/24 (long story for another time) and married 4 years on May 25 (officially- unofficially 5 years on Aug 21 which is another story for another time!).

7:26pm

(taken last night while sitting on our patio)

7:26pm (Tues 4/28/09)
After such a HOT day
A GLORIOUS breeze
Resting outside
Too warm in
Cars on the highway
A daddy & little girl talking
on their deck
Ceasar kitty picking on the
screen door
Motorcycle
Crazy squirrel scraping his
teeth on a rock
Another breeze
My wind chimes tinkering
Hate going inside
on evenings like this

A Spring Favorite Returns

I know, I've posted pics of my Bleesing Heart bush already (and used one to create my blog header) but I just love it so! It's one of the first perennials to bloom again in Spring and I so look forward to it every year. Two of my favorite colors, pink & green. That's sort of the color theme of this area of the garden in the back yard. Pinks & greens.

My Girls

Even on the hottest of days they're snuggling with one another! Better than with me - I broke down and turned the ac's on. It got to 84 in the livingroom and 86 in the bedroom. Bleah! I couldn't handle it having had my IV earlier. Ah well, today's the last day for this (our first & not last) heat wave.

It's That Time Again

And look who's here to support me during today's treatment, Ms. Booper! Not too long after I took this, I booted Ms. Boo off the couch because while it's comfy in here with the breeze gusting through the open windows & screen doors and the fans blowing, snuggling on the couch is still out of the Q. I'm not sweating yet & don't want to start, lol! Going up into the 90's today and down to 58 tomorrow. Crazy!

A Favorite View of Mine!

Yes, I realize I'm biased! I forgot this pic in the previous post "My Weekend in Photo's." Nearly 3 hours of checking out Hubby's fine be-hind Saturday while he took down all the air conditioner covers and I "assisted." Not a bad time in my humble opinion!

My Weekend in Photo's

1)Looking towards home (well, the town we live in at least - we live on the "dry" side)
2)Conch shell we returned to the ocean when we found a tiny rock crab living in it
3)Seeds I started last Sunday are well under way this weekend
4)The branches from our Christmas tree turned bird shelter have become a gorgeous honey color with a hint of purple
5)A wild Tulip on the other side of the back yard fence growing over a wild pink Hyacinth
6)Sunday dinner outside
7)Sometimes living in close proximity to 3 airports makes for a neat pic
8)Beautiful end to a beautiful weekend

Neno's Award

I've been awarded Neno's Award

by Lizzi from Life According to Lizzi
Thanks again Lizzi!

Neno's Award,

"is dedicated to those who love blogging

and

love to encourage friendships through blogging

and

seeks to find the reasons why we all love blogging."

Each person who receives the award is obliged to show thanks by

posting the award on his/her blog,

giving a shout out to the person who gave the award,

pass it on, and to answer the following question:

"Why do you love blogging?"

Why do I love blogging?

And indeed I do love it!

Blogging gives me such a feeling of

creative accomplishment

and

I'm proud of myself when I learn

how to do new things with my blog.

Blogging is a place where I

feel good about myself

and

feel like a part of a community.

Blogging has enabled me to

see & meet other people, places and things

which otherwise I may never have

experienced.

I just enjoy the heck out of it!

I'm passing this award on to:

My dear friend B over at The Nabor's Baby~ ( http://thenaborsbaby.blogspot.com/ )

I love her honesty and humor.
AND

Brandie over at Live-Laugh-Love~

( http://bmetzger5481.blogspot.com/ )

She loves blogging as much as I do!

Aaahhh Sun!

We're not the only ones enjoying the weather warm up!

Happy Arbor Day!

If you can't plant a tree today, take care of the ones on your property or go for a walk & take a look at them, realize what they do for us & the planet beyond being beautiful to look at and truly appreciate them.

Happy Earth Day!

Do something nice for our Mother Earth today; walk instead of drive (if possible, of course!), use re-usable bags if shopping, pick up & throw away trash along a creek or wooded area (my annual pick!), check out a book from the library instead of buying it, donate books you no longer want to your local library, nursing home/senior apartment complex/food bank, use a reusable aluminum water bottle for water and get filters for your skin faucets or a filtered pitcher you can keep in the fridge, turn off 'instant on' appliances at the switch so they're literally turned off when you're not using them... Every little bit helps our planet, and us.

Adventures in Editing aka Decisions

While on the one hand I submitted my manuscript this morning to receive my free proof copy (thanks to NaNoWriMo), on the other hand I have already made the decision not to put it up for sale, aka officially publish it.

It isn't long enough (now that the editing is finished) and I'd like to add to it and eventually publish it when it is more well rounded and complete.

As it stands now, I am not willing to jeopardize my monthly SS Disability payments, which took us over 3 years of fighting to get. I am still not well physically and we need that money. (No, I will never not be disabled, but financially, this isn't a time I'm willing to risk it).

I am going to continue working on it, as well as some other idea's I have, and when I feel it's more up to my own par, I'll take the chance.

This entire editing process has taught me a lot and now I know better what I want in the end and can use that for next time. (And there will be a next time!) Hopefully I won't chew off all my finger nails, have a constant headache & severe bouts of blurry eyes, but I doubt it! (lol)

Thank you everyone for your support throughout this!

I may, possibly, decide to email the book to those interested, like K. did with "Secret Speakers," once I receive the proof copy and poor man's copy right it in addition.

Here is the description and my author bio:

"This collection of short pieces from the inception of the Author's blog, "Diggin' Around," through November, 2007 is a conversational look at the joys & sorrows, discoveries, struggles & frustrations and inspirations of one woman; an unfinished life and story which continues."

"J. Wnorowski is an eclectic, creative & happily married constipated writer, obsessed gardener, lover of books and an avid blogger who dabbles in knitting and taking photo's, who also happens to be disabled with Psoriatic Arthritis and Ankylosing Spondilitis. She currently resides with her Husband at The Jersey Shore."

Arthritis Walk NYC 2009

Battery Park Arthritis Walk - Battery Park

Sunday, April 26, 2009

I am one of the many faces of Arthritis. I have Psoriatic Arthritis (and Ankylosing Spondilitis), an incurable, chronic and progressive auto-immune disease. There are 55 known different types of Arthritis which affect millions of people throughout our Country and the World. While there have been many great advancements in recent years, Arthritis still disables many of us (including myself). Go to http://www.arthritiswalknyc.com for more information and to dontate to walkers .

A bit of Provence on our front porch

Well, here it is! My little Provence inspired front porch. My first instinct was to go red on the chairs, why I'm not sure. I hope it was a good choice. Olive green was my 2nd choice. I painted the old wooden chair seat red, green, blue & yellow like the table but between it and our new door mat, I'm hoping it all doesn't look too Jamacan mon. (Got the door mat before seeing the table - spooky!) I changed one thing on the table though - I painted over the hunter green/teal color with the light blue I used on the chair. (I HATE hunter green). I can hear Mom's snide remarks already. (When chosing the paint for the chairs she suggested hunter green).

My Photo's

If you scroll down past this, I have posted 6 of my photo's, taken within this past year. (The Swan is my favorite of these, followed by the Butterfly on a Zinnia, and so on).

Island in the Shrewsbury

The Oceanic

Butterfly on my Zinnia (My 1st Palm Centro pic)

Believe It Or Not, Autumn Is Coming

Magnficent Summer Sunset

A Swan (Off The Navesink)

Silly Me!

Walking thru my kitchen this afternnon, my apron here slapped me in the face, so to speak. The colors I loved yesterday (see pic w/Outdoor Furnitures below), that are speaking to me, are some of the most vibrant colors of Provence, France and Tuscany, Italy. I acknowledged the huge, not so subtle hints the universe has been giving me about France since this past Autumn. I haven't forgotten. I'm working on it!

Outdoor Furniture Adventures

I'm looking for either a very very small 'bistro' set for the front porch (of which I could only use 1 chair with the table) or a nice end table & chair. Too expensive and/or ugly are the only things I've come across until today. The pieces above are at a local Pier One and I LOVE the colors in these tables. Beautiful reds, greens, blues, some yellows. Their tops are tiled.

There's a small end table in the collection and though it's a bit shorter than I'd like, it's otherwise perfect. But, on sale it's $80. I did see a nice barn red wrought iron chair that would go well on clearance for $30 but it would need a cushion and that's an additional $20 or more.

What we have is over 3 years old, been painted countless times and was either here when we moved here or is from a thrift shop/garage sale. It's looked good in past years. Now it looks junky. Not chabby chìc. Chabby crap.

I don't want to spend a fortune on a few new pieces for the porch & patio. The prices this season have started much higher than usual. Just because we have the money this time around doesn't mean I want to spend it all - I'm trying to be economical.

Could I make something like what I saw today?

I'm not sure what to do.

I couldn't help taking & posting a footie shot today. I'm not a typical gal - I don't go ga-ga for shoes and I hate shopping, especially clothes shopping. (Shopping for books & gardening stuff definately not included in that statement!!!) But I saw these cuties today & couldn't resist since I've been looking for a pair in this style for some time.

A Walk in the Park

Hubby came home early from work today and once the pickup truck troubles were seemingly figured out & fixed, we ended up at Holmdel Park. While he fished for trout & moved around the lake trying different spots, I walked around the lake and settled on a bench under a tree with the sun at my back. The wind kept the temps from feeling their 60 degrees but I was prepared with my scarf & gloves.

It seemed as though every person in the county was here at the park this afternoon and it was anything but tranquil, but it was nice nonetheless.

My vantage point from my bench.