Thursday, April 30, 2009
I had to get out of the apartment. Or was it really my life I needed to get out of? I grabbed my blue Mary Mother of God candle and a lighter and went down stairs. For once it was quiet in the complex. I sat on the stoop and lit the candle. I had no idea what time it was having worked late and attended a meeting afterwards. All I knew at that moment was that it was Sunday, it was dark, I hadn't been able to get to the cemetery to see my Nana and I was pissed. It was 4 years ago that day that my Nana had passed. I usually took the day off from work ahead of time but forgot to do so this year. "Tony" had refused to take me to the cemetery before work as did Mom.
Our mutual friend "Laurie" showed up with Tony to pick up from work earlier and he spat out every curse word and derogatory phrase for women he knew of at me the whole way home. "Laurie" was openly shocked. I couldn't have cared less. We were over. Long over. If he was arrogant enough to think that I only kicked his sorry mooching ass to the curb because I was screwing around with someone else (at work), that was his stupidity. I wouldn't let him in the apartment when she dropped me off and he followed so he went back out with her. (What a fool she was too. We both knew she was in love with him and he used that to his every advantage).
I looked down at the candle and then up at the deep blue night sky. Without talking aloud, I began talking, hoping that someone or something heard me.
"Please God, Mary, Jesus, or whomever is listening, I don't want to be sitting here a year from now, in this exact same spot in this exact same life, a mere 5 days before my 30th birthday. I want better for myself. I deserve better. I'm prepared to be alone and I am ok with being alone because it has got to be better than being miserable with someone I cannot stand to even look at. Please help me to do what I need to do to have a better life. Please. Please."
That was when my life began to change, when I began to change.
Shortly after while I was still sitting on the stoop, Tony came back and immediately started in on me.
"Shut up and get inside. I am not ready to talk to you yet," I said without moving or even looking at him.
He marched upstairs, mumbling to himself.
Once I was done talking to Nana and apologizing for not coming by to see her, I picked up the candle and went upstairs to my apartment. Tony was standing in the living room and turned to look at me as I walked in. Before he could open his mouth, I started speaking.
"I've said this before and after I say this again, I am not going to repeat myself. You and I are through. Over. Done with. You have until the end of the month to get your shit out of my apartment. I don't care where you go or how you get your shit out of here, that is your problem. I don't give a fuck what happens to you. If you give me any shit in the mean time, you'll need a police escort to come and go from here. Anytime I am here, before work, after or on my days off, you aren't allowed to be here. If I see you here, I'll call the police. You are allowed to be here with the purpose of getting your shit out while I am at work only. And by the way, I refuse to be your representative payee for your checks any longer and am notifying social security in the morning. Now get the fuck out of here! You have 5 minutes and I'm calling the police."
With that I went into the bedroom and locked the door behind me. I heard him call Laurie to come pick him up and he left. I went to the front door and slid the safety bar through it's threads so he couldn't get back in later, then I returned to the bedroom, blew out the candle and fell into the deepest sleep I'd had in years.
The time is upon us! Date night at the movies this weekend!
Honestly, I may need a few cigarettes after seeing this movie. Hugh Jackman NAKED. I don't mind that we won't get to see all of his naughty bits (after all, it's PG13); I have a vivid imagination and can fill in what I don't see! (I hope Hubby's well rested, lol!)
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
I wanted to rest outside today even though it was much cooler than yesterday & it was plane after plane after plane. (Yesterday I was in a summer night gown & flip flops when I was sitting on the patio and today I was in a sweat suit, socks & sneakers, a scarf around my neck and a throw wrapped around my legs! Remember, it's always cooler here at the shore!) It's only the beginning of the season & the airplane noise doesn't bother me/us yet. By Fall it'll drive me out of my mind!
(taken last night while sitting on our patio)
After such a HOT day
A GLORIOUS breeze
Too warm in
Cars on the highway
A daddy & little girl talking
on their deck
Ceasar kitty picking on the
Crazy squirrel scraping his
teeth on a rock
My wind chimes tinkering
Hate going inside
on evenings like this
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
1)Looking towards home (well, the town we live in at least - we live on the "dry" side)
2)Conch shell we returned to the ocean when we found a tiny rock crab living in it
3)Seeds I started last Sunday are well under way this weekend
4)The branches from our Christmas tree turned bird shelter have become a gorgeous honey color with a hint of purple
5)A wild Tulip on the other side of the back yard fence growing over a wild pink Hyacinth
6)Sunday dinner outside
7)Sometimes living in close proximity to 3 airports makes for a neat pic
8)Beautiful end to a beautiful weekend
Thanks again Lizzi!
Each person who receives the award is obliged to show thanks by
Friday, April 24, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
While on the one hand I submitted my manuscript this morning to receive my free proof copy (thanks to NaNoWriMo), on the other hand I have already made the decision not to put it up for sale, aka officially publish it.
It isn't long enough (now that the editing is finished) and I'd like to add to it and eventually publish it when it is more well rounded and complete.
As it stands now, I am not willing to jeopardize my monthly SS Disability payments, which took us over 3 years of fighting to get. I am still not well physically and we need that money. (No, I will never not be disabled, but financially, this isn't a time I'm willing to risk it).
I am going to continue working on it, as well as some other idea's I have, and when I feel it's more up to my own par, I'll take the chance.
This entire editing process has taught me a lot and now I know better what I want in the end and can use that for next time. (And there will be a next time!) Hopefully I won't chew off all my finger nails, have a constant headache & severe bouts of blurry eyes, but I doubt it! (lol)
Thank you everyone for your support throughout this!
I may, possibly, decide to email the book to those interested, like K. did with "Secret Speakers," once I receive the proof copy and poor man's copy right it in addition.
Here is the description and my author bio:
"This collection of short pieces from the inception of the Author's blog, "Diggin' Around," through November, 2007 is a conversational look at the joys & sorrows, discoveries, struggles & frustrations and inspirations of one woman; an unfinished life and story which continues."
"J. Wnorowski is an eclectic, creative & happily married constipated writer, obsessed gardener, lover of books and an avid blogger who dabbles in knitting and taking photo's, who also happens to be disabled with Psoriatic Arthritis and Ankylosing Spondilitis. She currently resides with her Husband at The Jersey Shore."
Monday, April 20, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
I am one of the many faces of Arthritis. I have Psoriatic Arthritis (and Ankylosing Spondilitis), an incurable, chronic and progressive auto-immune disease. There are 55 known different types of Arthritis which affect millions of people throughout our Country and the World. While there have been many great advancements in recent years, Arthritis still disables many of us (including myself). Go to http://www.arthritiswalknyc.com for more information and to dontate to walkers .
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
There's a small end table in the collection and though it's a bit shorter than I'd like, it's otherwise perfect. But, on sale it's $80. I did see a nice barn red wrought iron chair that would go well on clearance for $30 but it would need a cushion and that's an additional $20 or more.
What we have is over 3 years old, been painted countless times and was either here when we moved here or is from a thrift shop/garage sale. It's looked good in past years. Now it looks junky. Not chabby chìc. Chabby crap.
I don't want to spend a fortune on a few new pieces for the porch & patio. The prices this season have started much higher than usual. Just because we have the money this time around doesn't mean I want to spend it all - I'm trying to be economical.
Could I make something like what I saw today?
I'm not sure what to do.
It seemed as though every person in the county was here at the park this afternoon and it was anything but tranquil, but it was nice nonetheless.